This is completely fictional and everything in this story is for pleasure only

I closed the book in my hands after staring down at the last page for a few seconds. Mom looked over from the driver’s seat to my lap while she waited on the vacuum tube to return with her money. Visiting the bank with mom before grocery shopping; my life was on the verge of explosive excitement.

“Isn’t that book a bit mature for a sixteen year old”

“I think I’m a bit mature for a sixteen year old, mom.”

“Not according to your first period a few months ago.”

“Mom!, that was over half a year ago, and my body has nothing to do with my mind. I could have skipped a grade if I wanted to.” I would have if I wasn’t so scared. I didn’t really have friends per sey in my current class, but I at least knew them as acquaintances.

I tossed the book into the backseat of the car hoping to prevent further questions about it. The suction and thump of the capsule returning sounded. Mom opened the small door and retrieved it.

“Only today, I’ll let you pack the cart with junk food. Try to get the kinds your brother likes,” mom said as she pulled out the bank envelope.

I knew she would somehow bring him up that day. She chose to put a positive spin on it at least. Instead of saying that my manically depressed older brother would be returning for the school year to seek seclusion in his room while he moped over his dead girlfriend, she gave me permission to buy junk food. I wasn’t about to sneer a smart remark though; my high metabolism would never forgive me for it.

Mom returned the capsule to its tube, closed the door, and pulled out. Off to the grocery store. Truly a day for the history books.

I couldn’t complain too much though. The first day of high school was coming up. I would walk into that school with no friends. Alone. Scared. A freshman.

In fast-forward, as I lost myself in my imagination, the rest of the day flew on. Mom and I went grocery shopping, returned home, unpacked the groceries; I retreated to my room with a bag of chips to search online for reviews on another good book I could soon read. I stumbled upon blogs and forums – conversations between friends; I daydreamed, I wished. Depressed as my window turned into a mirror reflecting my bedroom light, I moped into the bathroom to get dressed for bed.

I walked from the bathroom in my nightgown to meet my mom.

“Did you get something to eat yet I was lost in research and forgot all about dinner. I was going to throw something together real quick.”

“No,” I replied, “but I’m not really hungry.”

“Ok than sweetie. Don’t forget to set your alarm clock.”

“I already did mom.” Apparently my drowsiness began showing; mom began moving back down the hall toward the kitchen.

I walked into my room, closed the door and dropped onto my bed. Seven o’clock; that was the time my alarm clock would go off in the morning. That’s when I would go with mom to pick up my brother.

My brother, actually, he was my half brother but I would never consider him anything less than a full one, even if his biological mom wasn’t the same as mine. I hadn’t seen him in two years. I watched him leave for college then, onto an airplane to North Carolina. He had talked two of his friends into going to the same college as him; one of them had talked his girlfriend into joining. She was to eventually become my brother’s girlfriend. He decided to stay down there the past two summers to live out his life in freedom. That freedom he so wanted cost him his girlfriend. He was coming back now, took the fall quarter off. The school psychiatrist strongly urged it.

He was seventeen when he left. He had taken the leap I couldn’t. He skipped the grade. He was always eager to test the limits. Now those limits were testing him.

I laid in bed thinking about him, trying to fall asleep. He was so happy when he left. I loved being around him, I think at times that I might have liked him too much. He had looked scrawny then, but I remember the feel of his skin; the solid muscle under it. Although you never could judge him by his looks, not even by the feel of his arms, you just had to know him, like I did. He was everything I had always wanted to be. I think he was why I never really had many friends. Having a brother like him probably set my standards on others a little too high. As long as I had him though, I was always happy.

I fell asleep to that thought, or at least that was the last thought I remember before my cognition kicked off. From the happy memories of years before, I washed up into a strange hazy world, a place where I was horny as hell and I had four men bowing to me.

A light sheet-like dress draping my body blustered in the wind. I couldn’t feel any real chill from the wind, but that wasn’t really what I was after. I looked down to the four men below me and scanned them over thoughtfully. I drug my fingers through their scalps and rested on the third from my left. He stood up.

I walked gracefully to a massive bed. We were on a dock at a beach. The wooden dock was above untouched sand with the calm water in the distance. The sun was either rising or setting, but never did it glare at me.

I pulled open the silk netting that surrounded the giant bed and crawled in. The man followed me. He was just a random thought in my mind, a model to some junior or senior in high school I would meet, a dream boy that would sweep me from my feet and protect me in the new school.

I looked up to find him completely naked crawling toward me. I peered down to my own naked body. I would have blushed but nothing was real. The guy crawled over me showing no emotion, he just stared into my eyes. I only focused on his chest and up; perhaps on my limited knowledge of what guys looked like down there.

But even with that, I had more than enough experience in my imagination on what it would feel like down there when they played their guy role.

He entered me and I about screamed out moaning. I hadn’t had a dream this good in a while. Moving in and out, he smiled down to me. Almost shaking, he wrapped his hand around the back of my head and dropped forward to kiss me. I was so full. I draped my arms over his back and dug my nails in for leverage.

“Keep going,” I moaned. I never wanted it to end. A false hope I knew could never be true in a dream.

His lips broke from mine and he pulled up.

It was Ean. It was my brother. He was having sex with me. That seventeen year old body I had imprinted in my mind for some reason.

He kept thrusting into me.

“No,” I cooed in confusion.

“I love you Maeghan.” He began dropping back down for another kiss.

Overload.

I woke up panting for my breath in the blackness of my room. My entire body was sweating profusely. I immediately pushed the sheet and comforter off me.

Damn.

That was the second time that month. I won’t dare tell you how many times since he left me alone with mom. But that; that was the first time he’d ever said that.

He usually just appears there, breaking up a perfectly great dream, and puts me into a state of confusion and guilt and I don’t even know. But “I love you.” I knew I should have tried to stop them when they first started happening. Why did I have to keep letting the dreams happen in my curiosity. I was beginning to go insane.

My vagina was chilling. The evaporation from the liquid coating my panties under the air-conditioning began getting to me. I was alone in my room. Pitch black. My night gown was hiked up and my panties were soaked. No matter what logic and ethic told my mind, I was curious beyond anything I have ever been before about what it would actually be like; Sex, Ean. What it would be like to just hear him say those three words to me

I quickly found myself pushing my panties up to my knees. The soaking fabric would do better to not be on me. I wanted to air dry myself down there. The small bundling slip of fabric scraped down my calves onto my ankles.

I had to do this without thinking about him. My right hand was between my legs. My panties dangled from one leg and then fell off the side of the bed onto the floor. I pulled my nightgown up more; I wanted to be as naked as possible. Running my fingers through my growing pubic hair, I dropped my knees wide. They were never wide enough as I palmed my mound. My hips rhythmically humped up and down into my hand.

My eyes closed. Focus on the guy from the dream; I repeatedly told myself to do so. I began replaying the dream in my mind. My middle finger slipped into me as I envisioned crawling onto the bed. The best thing about hindsight is that even the insignificant parts are so exciting because you already know what’s about to happen. Focus only on the guy from the dream. I had to finish before I reached the end. I knew that would be impossible but I didn’t want to think about it.

Stroking my hand over my nipples, I drug my arm to the dresser side that almost hugged my bed. I retrieved my small hairbrush.

It switched between hands as I moved it down my belly and I lined it up to my slit. I had never tried something like it before, but I was so incredibly horny then and I just wanted something new. It moved in.

Only slightly thicker than two of my fingers, the foreign object inside of me felt amazing. Something else was inside of me. I didn’t dare push it too far in, I wasn’t ready for that yet.

In and out, the cold object penetrating my virgin hole moved. My left hand rested below my belly, its fingers efficiently playing with my clitoris. It was impossible to control how my body moved. My stomach was panting in and out as my hips bobbed back and forth. My chest was rising into the air and my legs were restless.

The guy was on top of me slowly penetrating me. I moved the hairbrush in and out with his strokes. My index finger rolled and flicked at the little nub pushing out of my small slit. I wanted to pop but my mind wouldn’t let me. It was teasing me, holding me back for something.

The hairbrush handle pushing through just the entry of my slit as my clitoris stung for release was becoming too much. It was like holding my pee in after two days of not going to the bathroom. Everything was right there, right behind a wall, waiting for me to just give up and release it. I had to do it so bad.

“Ean! I… Sex…” I lost all control. I couldn’t say a word I wanted to. I wanted to say everything but I lost control just hearing myself say his name.

A wave of lava-like heat flooded over my body. I was so hot all of a sudden. My mind exploded in something and I couldn’t think, I couldn’t comprehend anything. All my muscles squeezed and tightened. And then in the midst, I pulled the hairbrush back into me.

My body writhed. A sudden sting filled my pelvis. My vaginal walls were constricting and pulling at the handle of my hairbrush. Warm liquid was oozing out of me and running down my butt crack, over my butt hole. But that sting. It was so painful.

My knees drew back together on the bed as I straightened my legs. I rolled onto my side. I did everything in reaction to the sudden pain. I couldn’t comprehend a thing that was going on and my body took over control to ease as much of the pain as possible.

By the time my mind started functioning again, I found myself crying on my side. The pain was still inside me but it was much duller. My arms were pulled up to my chest. The sweat on my body was beginning to evaporate.

I pulled my legs up to curl myself into a ball. My heal bucked against the hairbrush then lying free on my bed. I just curled up even tighter. I could feel the liquid still oozing from my slit. I knew some of it was my blood. My virginity.

I was cold. Lonely. I lost my virginity. I vowed then to never stick anything inside me again. Not until… Not until…

I couldn’t say it. I wanted to but I was scared. I broke my hymen thinking about him. Pleading to him. The next thing inside me… The only thing I ever wanted inside me again… I wanted Ean. I wanted my brother. Him. Inside me. Hold me. I was cold.

Reaching behind me, I felt around for my hairbrush. I picked it up by the combs and drug it into my naked chest. My nightgown lay still around my neck. I didn’t want to pull it down. For some reason, I just wanted to be naked, to feel vulnerable. It just felt right; appropriate at the time.

The hair brush in my grip. I remembered dad giving me it. It was a present for my birthday four years prior. Not a very good present, but it wasn’t the only thing he gave me so it was alright. Dad gave me that brush, that brush that was inside of me; that thing that broke my hymen at three in the morning in his daughter’s bed.

I wondered if he could see me. Before, when he first left, mom said he would always look down from heaven and protect me. He would always be watching me as I grew up. Always be there. That was the first time I wished dad would stop watching over me. I felt so ashamed; embarrassed.

My body shot into attention when my alarm clock went off at seven. I pushed the snooze and rested my head back on the pillow. I heard the muffled sounds of my mom’s alarm call for a few seconds in her room before it shut off.

I looked down my body. I was still naked beside my nightgown that then just rested over my shoulder. Sunlight was breaking through the window. I rolled onto my back and propped myself up from my elbows. A line of dried blood ran down my one leg.

My breasts, they were barely there I thought; just little tiny things. I didn’t know where I originally heard the term, but ‘little lady lumps’ suited them well; just enough of them to show that I was a girl, a late blooming fourteen year old girl who was full of herself. I had a crush on my older brother. How pathetic could I get How could a guy so amazing as him want a little girl like me

I sat up off the side of my bed and turned the alarm on my clock completely off. My nightgown had fallen down over me. I went on to make my bed. It was something I normally did after my shower but I decided it best then to cover up that little red patch in the middle.

It looked haphazardly done, normal, so I threw my panties from the floor into my laundry basket and hunted down my hairbrush on the other side of the bed before heading to the shower.

It was about an hour and a half drive to the airport with stopping off to eat. Over the radio through the long journey, all I could think about was the night before. I was so sure of myself then. In the heat of emotions, I had it all planned out. In the car surrounded by the real world, I second guessed everything. I didn’t want to feel like that toward my own brother.

But I did. It made me so happy; but so confused. It was so good yet it hurt so bad. I had to see him. When I saw him, I knew he would just be my big brother. Things would be normal, just a fun time. It had to be. I wouldn’t know what to do if it wasn’t.

The wait at the airport was the worst, the anticipation. Sitting in the terminal looking out the window at all the planes come and go. That night, or really morning, only hours before, I was masturbating, fantasizing about having sex with him. Something lingered though in the back of my mind; a thought perhaps that I had forgotten.

But for the first time ever, I had willingly masturbated to my brother; that memory would not leave me.

Then all at once it hit me. Everything came back to me. As my mom stood up and I followed her gaze to the doors where passengers of an arriving plane exited.

Ean.

He had grown in two years. His body was much more defined. His nineteen year old shape still held onto that scrawniness, but it was obvious that he was anything but.

The face he had on drove tears into my mom’s eyes. He had all the time in the world to think about it. Reflect on every single detail. Bask in the loneliness that now plagued him.

He didn’t look sad though. I can’t describe what he looked like but it was like he was feeling something so powerful and so bad, and with all his strength, he held it back. He was a person you would want to avoid. Emotionless almost. Like he would kill you without a second thought. Perhaps though, other people didn’t notice it in him. Maybe it was just because mom and I knew what had happened to him.

I couldn’t tell if he had just given up hope of anything in life and just didn’t care anymore, or if he was just so manically sad and drawn into his mind that he just couldn’t control his outer appearance. The happy, lively brother I saw off came back to me sad and torn apart.

As I followed mom to him and her greatest of hugs, I couldn’t stop staring into his distant eyes. Not even the tiniest glimpse of a thought about my fantasy of him hours before even wandered near my mind.

He only spoke when questioned, only ever a few words. No emotion. We searched down his luggage and left. Needless to say, the ride home was very long and tense.

I wanted to be mad at him for some reason but I wouldn’t allow it. He had left us for two years; not even coming back for summers. Now he was there. All of a sudden. A phone call two weeks prior. “Mom, I’m coming home. Please don’t ask why.”

We heard about why from his school.

He left for two years. Only thinking about himself, now he had come back. He was greeted with open arms, cried for, pampered. How could I get mad though He had been punished beyond any transgression he had committed.

At the time, I had no idea what to expect of him when we got home. Once he acted, I thought myself thick that I couldn’t figure it out before.

It was shameful to think but it was the truth after a few days of thinking about him. He locked himself in his room. He stayed alone in his thoughts while mom and I remained less phased by him. It was a defense for him to be secluded but it had also helped us. We didn’t have to see him; his mood wouldn’t spread. It was a painful bliss knowing that mom and I were happier because Ean chose to face his demons alone.

We had tried and failed every day to make contact with him; he refused any help. I frequently heard him move about the house at night but I was always too tired or scared to face him. For nearly a week it continued. Then the unthinkable happened.

The day before; mom left. To be fair, she did announce it two days prior. As a journalist, she did have to leave on a trip every now and then, but why then. Some big court case in the big city. Hours and hours away from home. Hotel, days, maybe weeks, gone, alone with Ean, school, alone.

Mom had talked to him about it. Before I stayed with one her friends. This time, I would stay with him, Ean. She said he was pulling himself together, for me. He was needed then and mom said that right there raised his mood some. He had something to do. He always loved projects. Unfortunately, I was his project that time.

Ean even came out for dinner the night before mom left. There wasn’t much talking, but it was nice to see him. Stare at him. Take him in.

Then mom left in the morning. The day before school. Ean was out of his room most of the day but he was watching TV. I went through all my new school supplies at least ten times before joining him.

I was nervous; anxious, almost sick. I was going to high school. I didn’t know anybody there. I had no real friends in my own class for support. I was all alone through everything.

“Are you ok” Ean asked looking at me. I had been staring off in space. A commercial was on.

“Yeah, just a little nervous about tomorrow,” I answered as he turned the TV off.

“Well, I guess we should go to bed then.”

I looked out the window, then to the clock below the TV; I hadn’t realized so much time had flown by. I was really getting sick then. Go to bed, wake up, then school.

I tremblingly followed Ean up off the couch. I wobbled to my room. I was so alone. The high school was in walking distance, but still, if mom was home, she would’ve drove me. It would have been a tiny bit easier that way.

I dropped my bra beside my bed and opened the drawer holding my night gown. It was so cold. I was in my panties. The air against all my skin was chilling. My stomach was jumping every which way inside me. Weakly leaning forward, I pulled the thin cloth over my head and let it drop down my body. I had to do something. It was all just too much to handle alone.

I walked to my door and opened it. Ean’s door was cracked. He was facing away from me, sitting on his bed lost in thought. Just in boxers and a t-shirt.

“Ean,” I trembled as I pushed the door open. He turned around and looked to me. “I don’t feel good.” I was squeezing one arm into my stomach. I wanted to cry. I didn’t know why. I was anxious, nervous, queasy. At the moment I asked for help, I had given up all the fight in me. My mind was amplifying all my symptoms. My subconscious knew what I really wanted. I wanted someone else to take my burdens, someone else to comfort me. My weak fourteen year old mind wasn’t strong enough to handle it. I asked Ean for that comfort. I had given up all my defenses and relied on him to compensate.

As the words escaped my mouth, my entire body quivered. It was a self-induced sickness with one purpose, to seek pity and comfort from an external source. Whether Ean knew or would find that out in time, he showed no care about it. He jumped from his bed and speed walked over to me. He put his arms around me and lifted me up. He carried me to his bed. His bed. It was twice the size of mine and almost twice as soft.

“What’s wrong”

“I’m so cold. My stomach hurts.” My entire body began shivering. The more I thought about it, the more I gave Ean responsibility to care for me, the worse my sickness got.

He jumped across the room and pulled a trashcan to the side of the bed before lifting my butt onto one of his pillows. He pushed his sheet and comforter down and drug me under it. I was still shivering. Then he climbed on top of me. I was under a sheet and comforter. I was in my nightgown. He was in a t-shirt and boxers. But he was lying on top of me. He was holding me.

We lay like that silently for several minutes. I was feeling amazingly better all of a sudden. I was so much warmer. I wasn’t thinking about school at all. I almost forgot how we got in that position. Every ounce of the sickness had left my body.

“Can I sleep here tonight; I don’t want to move,” I said trying to sound still sick.

“Do you really think I would just shove you back in your bedroom alone in this condition”

“Are you going to sleep like that” I admit that I had no problems at all with him sleeping on top of me with his arms hold me tight, but I wanted more; I wanted him under the covers.

I wasn’t thinking anything sexual then. If I did, I would have just gotten myself sick again in anxiety. I just wanted his comfort. It was almost like an innocent crush right then. Holding him under the covers would make me blush in happiness.

He pushed off me and walked over to turn out the light. He came back. It was so dark. I felt the mattress move as he got onto the bed. So quiet. He pulled up the covers to let in a chill across my body.

He was getting in bed. He was getting in the bed I was in. I was in the bed. I was in the thinnest piece of fabric I owned and a pair of my panties. He was scooting under the sheet. The same sheet that I was under. We were going to sleep together. The words in my mind held the wrong meaning to what they actually meant to the situation, but, my meaning for those words sounded so much better. We were sleeping together.

I wanted him to hold me so bad but I was scared beyond belief that he would actually touch me. In the dark, under his sheets, in his bed. My body was frozen solid. I didn’t know what to do. Every movement I made would be judged by him. I had the most wrong thoughts in my head. Did he know what I was thinking How could he

“Are you still cold” he asked.

I was his little sister. I was sick. I was just an innocent little sister that had gotten terribly ill. He was protecting and comforting me. I was innocent. He couldn’t read my mind.

“Yeah.” A shiver rolled through my body as I said it.

I felt him shifting under the covers. He was moving toward me. His hand rubbed over my ribs. He gripped my side. I was on my back. I wanted to be firm in his grasp.

I rolled as he gripped me and shifted into his body. He dropped his arm over my back and held tight. He was so warm. Soft skin with a hard wall of muscle just below it. My breasts were pressed into his chest.

Oh no. What if I wasn’t supposed to roll into him What if he thought I was weird or something for pulling myself into his body What if he just wanted to put his arm over me and that was all Why did I move

If I was still on my back, I didn’t know what to think. I was so embarrassed. Maybe though, if I was on my back, he would have rolled on top of me like earlier. That would have been soo super incredibly amazing. Damn. Why did I have to move

I was there though. In that position. In my little nighty and panties. Under his arm. In his chest. I didn’t know how long I had been in my repetitive thought process but apparently it was long enough for Ean to fall asleep.

How could he sleep I was wide awake. How could he sleep in that position With me in his arms. A girl so next to nude in his grip, on his bed, under his sheets.

His sister. His sixteen year old sister. Of course. I was nothing to him. Of course he could sleep.

I pushed my head up to look at his face. He was peaceful. My nipples were stabbing into his chest. My vagina. My vagina was pressed just above his pelvis. It was so hot. If he was awake, I was sure he would have noticed the excess of heat coming from that part of my body.

If I could just kiss him. He was right there. He would never know. Just a small kiss. Then I would force myself to roll away and fall asleep. Just a peck.

I was going to do it. My body had already reacted before I admitted to myself that I would do it. I was at his lips. Just a peck. I pushed out my lips. I pecked his. My vision blackened from the nervousness.

I pulled away instantly and watched his eyes. Listened to his breathing. I had kissed him. I kissed my brother. The most amazing guy I had ever known. I kissed him. Eyes closed; breathing steady. He was asleep. I had to do it again.

I moved my neck out forward again. I had to keep my eyes focused. I had to see this time. I puckered my lips. Slowly. Very Slowly. Very very slowly. Our lips met. I stared into his eyelids. Hold. Hold it. Push. Push a little harder. Hold. His eyes remained shut. I couldn’t hear his breathing over my own.

We were kissing. Well, I was kissing him. How was I supposed to do it though for real Was I supposed to move my lips around somehow or someway The feeling was amazing though.

Then his lips started almost massaging mine. I stared into his eyes. They were almost shaking under the eyelids. He was dreaming.

His hand rode up my back onto my neck. He pushed my face into his. He was making out with me. My brother. What was happening I wanted this, I think. I didn’t want him to be dreaming. I never thought of what I would do if one of my dreams became reality.

Ean’s body rolled forward. He pushed me back and settled on top of me, kind of off to the side. Something grew along my leg. My brother was getting an erection. What was I suppose to do Was I supposed to let him have a wet dream on top of me That would be the most amazing thing in the world. Or would it

Why did I have to second guess myself always in the heat of the most important times of my life The hand around the back of my neck retreated to my chest. It didn’t stop there but I just remember so vividly when it was there for the one small stroke. His hand travel down my…

I woke up to a pair of my jeans being thrown into my face. I pealed them off and looked at them. Ean was in the doorway. I was soo tired.

“Get ready for school.”

“Aaaaah,” I groaned as innocently and sickly as I could.

“You’re going to school. Mom said to make sure you go no matter what. If you’re not ready in half an hour, I’ll carry you there in whatever state you’re in; even if I have to drop you off while you’re still in your night gown.”

He turned and walked from the doorway. The look in his eyes and the tone of his voice made clear that he was in no joking mood. I rolled the covers from me and headed to the shower.

My mind flashed between the horrors of school and what happened that last night. I pushed my panties down thinking how Ean had touched me there. Rubbed me. Made me cum. On his hand. My older brother.

Then I was naked. Stepping into the hot shower water completely naked. If only Ean felt the same way I did. I would do anything to make him like me the way I liked him. My life would be complete if I knew he loved me.

School. After that shower would be a bowl of cereal and then school. First day of high school. No friends. If I could just know that Ean wanted me. If I knew Ean was at home waiting for me. I would care less about school if I just knew he loved me and I got to see him every day after school.

Trust me though, I didn’t forget about what happened either. But I tried my hardest to block out reality. I tried so hard not to remember my brothers face as he told me he wouldn’t forgive me again if I tried something like that another time. How he forgave me. I was his little sister. A confused little girl. He forgave me. He would never look at me as an equal to him.

Lost in thought, my subconscious guided me out of the shower, into my clothes and to the kitchen. I was before my bowl of cereal staring down at it. I had eaten two spoonfuls. I was completely full. My stomach was tense in anxiety.

“Time to go.”

I turned and looked at my brother confused.

“Mom said to take you. I’m driving dad’s car.”

I’ll fast-forward from there. The slow-motion of movement from the table to my bedroom for my book bag, to the car, and to school, was a screw slowly driving its way into my gut. Something not worth reading.

Ean pulled up behind another car stopping to let out another girl. The girl looked vaguely familiar. Nothing important though. She did look back however as she got of her vehicle. She looked back from me and then to Ean. She froze on him. Not just her eyes, her entire body froze.

She shifted a bit as if shrugging off a call from within the car and broke her stare. I looked at Ean. He didn’t seem to notice anything. He was just peering around at all the other teenagers strolling about and congregating into their cliques. My eyes returned back to the girl. She scanned back to my face and stared for a few seconds as if she was taking me in; memorizing me. Then she turned, pulling her book bag from the car and walked away shutting the door behind her. I followed her motion and left my vehicle.

Ean drove off behind the other car and I stood there alone. Slowly, I walked across the street and headed to the school building.

I moved through first period fairly well. Most of the students in the class I knew from middle school. Friendly faces at least, even if they weren’t my friends. Second period proved interesting and not fun. I was all alone there since the system decided to place me in an advanced mathematics course.

I saw the girl from earlier in that class but chose to stay away from her for some reason. The teachers were all nice and welcoming, I guess because it was the first day.

Then lunch came eventually. It was probably the worst anticipated time of the day. I got to stand in the lunch line alone and silent. Everybody else talked with friends. I scanned the cafeteria over again and again and again looking for a safe place to sit by myself once I finally got my food.

That proved absolutely pointless. By the time I had gotten my food, most all the empty seats were taken and some of the previously occupied seats were vacant. Everything had changed.

Boys or girls I searched as I slowly walked with my tray in my hands. Worst case scenario, it would be better to be picked on by girls than boys. I found a cove of primarily girls sitting together with a few seats off to the side open. I walked over and sat two seats away from them. Close enough, but not too far.

Then someone sat right next to me. It was her. That girl. From the morning.

“You’re his sister” she started.

“What” I looked to her.

“You have the same last name as him. When the teacher called you in math. Your Ean’s sister”

“How do you know my brother” I was looking toward her kind of. I didn’t dare make eye contact.

“I’m Montana. I’m Crystal’s little sister. Your brother was going out with her before…” she trailed off. I was speechless. Complete loss of words. What did she want with me “You don’t look too comfortable here. I’m a sophomore. We can be friends and I’ll show you around. My sister told me about you. She said me and you should be friends.”

“What” I looked her in the eyes.

“Oh. Yeah, your brother mentioned you to her a few times. She told me all about him, your brother. He sounds so amazing. I have at least a hundred pictures of him on my computer with Crystal. He looks pretty amazing too.”

I almost slipped right there. Almost. She knew so much about my brother that I didn’t. Those two years that he was avoiding me and mom, she had pictures and stories about him probably every week. Almost. Almost I was about to ask her if she knew what her sister did to my brother.

What she left him in.

I stopped myself from speaking when I predicted what her response would be. What had her sister done to her own family What had she put all of them through

“He looks well; your brother,” she said seeing the emotions contort my face. “A little hardened, but well. I’m glad.”

She was weird. Strong, and pretty brave too. I couldn’t imagine her with a whole lot of friends with the way she let her mind roll right off her tongue.

I had had my fair share of friends for a day. Kids on the first day of school asking to be buddies out of fear of being alone. They all left though. In short time they always found other people that more closely resembled themselves.

This one though had potential maybe. She seemed about as much an outcast as me. Pretty but with an avoidable personality. She might actually last. Montana. I might get used to it.

The school day came to a close. I walked outside and looked around for Ean. Mom told him to make sure I went to school. I doubt he cared much if I came back. Not after the previous night. There was no car for me; no Ean.

I began my walk home. I estimated it to take me about twenty minutes. A lot of time to think. I was excited now that the school day was over. Still a bit nervous for some reason, but very excited. I also had a new friend maybe. I liked her the more I thought about her. Ean liked her older sister for a reason, it was natural that I would like her, I thought. It didn’t really make sense but something about her made me want to really hope that we actually became friends.

Twenty minutes can pass by very quickly when lost in thought. I walked into my house and dropped my book bag in the living room. The house was quiet. I was just brave enough after such a good day to face Ean. I had to do it then before I could think and reason it out. My bravery would die soon.

Ean’s bedroom door was shut. I knocked, waited, and then slowly pried it open.

Ean was face down on his bed.

“Ean,” I called in a soft voice. He was motionless. I slowly walked in. I stepped lightly to his bed and kicked off my shoes. I climbed on and as carefully as I could, I touched his shoulder.

Ean turned his head to look at me. His eyes were bloodshot, his skin moist with tears.

“Are you ok,” I asked immediately.

“Why did you let me do that to you”

“Ean.”

“Crystal and I… We were going to have sex for the first time on her birthday. Today.” His words were shaking terribly. I gulped. What had I done “I woke up and saw you. I was touching you.” He was broken. He wasn’t himself. I broke my brother. “I was touching you. I thought you were Crystal and it was so good. I saw you then. You did your thing and it was so…” He trailed off into silent tears.

It was so, what What was it It was sure as hell one messed up day so far, but I wasn’t about to call it quits and wait for another day like this to come by to finish up. I dropped down to lay with him. I draped my arm over his body. He laid there in my embrace for untold minutes.

“How far would you have let me gone” he asked. My lungs hardened into rocks. Did he just actually ask me that He probably had every right in the world to know but I did not want to give an answer.

“I d-don’t know. You were asleep. You didn’t know what you were doing. I want you to get better so much. If it would help…” I trailed off then. I did not want to finish that sentence out loud. Ean was quiet for several seconds before speaking again.

“Do you know what it feels like to wait for something you know will be the most amazing thing in the world for so long, so long; it’s right there, just weeks away from coming to you, and then it goes away It leaves. And just like that, you have to start from scratch again to just try to see it again in the far far away distance.”

I couldn’t stand what he was saying. I would die if something like that happened to me.

“Ean, if it will help you, I – I – I…”

“Don’t be crazy. I’ll never hurt you again. I have to protect you. You’re my little sister.”

“Exactly!” I almost yelled at him. I wouldn’t let him treat me like that. “I’m your family. I want to help you. I love you. I’ll do anything for you. More than any of that, even more than wanting to help you, I’m so lonely. I want you to love me. You’re the only person that understands me. If we weren’t related, I would give anything for you to be my boyfriend.

“We’re family though. If you want to protect me, you’ll teach me, care for me. You’ll make the loneliness go away. I don’t care if you use me. I can barely stand my life as it is. If I just know that at least you need me, you need to use me, then I’ll have a purpose. I’ll have someone waiting for me to come home. You’re so perfect. Do whatever you want to me or with me if it helps you or not. No matter what, as long as you at least include me, you’ll be helping me, caring for me, making me happy.”

“You’re so young and, and, and just don’t understand.”

“I don’t care,” I retaliated. “The more I think about you being sad, me being sad. We’re both here. We both want what the other can give. I want to give you everything I have. You’re the smartest person I know and I’m your sister. You’ve always known what you’ve wanted and have you ever given or gotten something that you’ve regretted. What makes me different”

Silence refilled the room.

“Are you tired” Ean asked.

“Not really but I will be if I just lay here a few more minutes. I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

“Will you just sleep with me then”

“Of course I will-“

“Wake me up if I start anything. I just want to sleep. I want to think everything over. Don’t let me make things more complicated for myself.”

“Ok. I’ll wake you up if you start.”

“Thank you…” he trailed off in his sleepily voice.

Within a few minutes he was fast asleep. The bedroom lights were on and we were both fully clothed on top of his sheets. I followed into sleep minutes later with a gigantic smile on my face.

I was quietly reading my book on the recliner in the living room. Ean was off probably in his room. It was the summer, quiet, lots of free time. Mom was at work. Dad was still in the hospital. He was getting better. That’s all I knew. I was a year over a decade old though. Adults like to lie to children.

My peaceful reading was disturbingly enough interrupted by the phone ringing in the kitchen behind me. By the end of the first ring, Ean was bouncing from his room. Probably expecting a call from a friend. Before the third ring, Ean picked up. With his mumbled words, I was able to reintegrate my mind into the book. Top of the page.

Bottom of the page. I turned it. Ean walked past me and sat on the couch off to the side before me. I looked up to him. He looked a little disturbed but not quite. I never could read his emotions. He sat silently staring toward the floor. He was deep in thought for sure.

“Who was that” I asked.

“Mom just wanted to call and say that she would be home early,” he replied monotonously.

It seemed boring enough. We were probably going out or something when she got home, that would explain why Ean looked to be just waiting with me. His deep state of thought, that was nothing new. Mom probably said we were going out to eat and gave him the choice of where. He was probably weighing the pros and cons of each restaurant in the city.

My mind faded back to the story before me. Fifteen minutes passed by, maybe half an hour; time is in a quasi state when you’re into a good book. Ean stood up and walked to me.

“Stand up,” he said. I looked up.

“Why”

“Do you trust me” That question from his mouth. Those words. Whenever he really wanted me to obey him, he always asked me if I trusted him. He was the smartest person I knew besides dad or mom. He never hurt me. Any jokes he did play on me always left me laughing in the end. I trusted everything to him. He was my only friend.

I put my book onto the side table next to the recliner and stood up. Ean immediately grabbed me and pulled me into his body. He whispered down into my ear.

“Dad died. Just awhile ago. I’ll always protect you.”

He was too serious. He would never lie about something like that. Dad died. No. Why

My arms instinctively wrapped themselves around Ean. He was so big. So warm. Comfortable. I couldn’t understand a thing that went through his mind. I didn’t know why he did it the way he did, but for some reason, it felt the easiest for me. Just me and him. Standing alone hugging each other. My silent tears in soaking through his t-shirt onto his ribs.

I didn’t want to be alone then and I didn’t want mom. Mom must’ve been crushed. I would be ashamed to cry in front of her. Ean was so strong. He was my best friend. My only friend. I missed dad so much.

The distinct muffed sound of the garage door opening moved through the silent house. I continued crying into Ean’s body. Every time I tried to toughen myself up to face mom, Ean squeezed me a little harder into him. He was pressing my emotions from me.

The door opened from the garage. I meekly turned to face mom’s torn face as she entered. She looked from me to Ean. She looked almost surprised and distraught that I was in his arms, that I was crying, that I knew about dad.

“She’s stronger than you think.” The words reverberated down the bones of my brother into my jaw. Mom almost ran to us and wrapped her arms wide around our bodies.

I never really understood my brother. The more pressure you put on him, the more amazing things he did. I would be scared of his uncanny ability to manipulate any situation he wanted if I wasn’t his little sister. He swore to protect me. He was my big brother. The only thing better than having that knowledge yourself was having a big brother that did. That way I would be free from the burdens I always imagined he suffered from, but I would reap the rewards of his generosity.

I had never seen somebody look so calm in such distressing situations. He held in all emotion while moving and talking to benefit everybody around him. I would say he was incredibly selfless, but my inability to understand why he did what he always did kept me from knowing whether he was enjoying it all. What looked like nobility to me could all just be an interesting game to him. Either way, he was my big brother and I was in love with him.

Three more days had passed and the first week of high school concluded. I had chosen to take up residence next to Montana in math class. Unassigned seats had to be the best part of high school. Montana had personality, at least the kind I liked, but her math skills weren’t all that great. She wasn’t shy about that fact either.

When she suggested that maybe she should come over some time if she needed homework help, I questioned whether or not she was just bluffing confusion in math to sneak peeks at my brother. She did talk about him a lot. At least more than I wanted her to.

Apparently her and her older sister Crystal had always been a bit distant emotionally. Crystal fell into a bad crowd according to her. My brother was the best thing to ever happen to her but unfortunately he came too late.

Montana had a weird view on her sister’s death. She missed her and went very distraught when she first heard about it, but her mind played it down fairly quick. I didn’t want her anywhere near Ean. She only brought him up a few times about what her sister mentioned about him over the phone but the times she did talk about him, she raved. I loved her as a friend; the first real one I could ever remember besides my brother, but I thought it best to keep her at somewhat of a distance.

Ean was my best friend. Montana was a real friend. My only two friends. I had to keep them away from each other. Apart, they both relied on me so much. That was best. I had to make sure they didn’t meet.

It was the end of a four day week of school. What I thought would be the worst week of my life turned out to be one of the best. Dinner wasn’t the best though. Macaroni and Cheese. Also Ean kept to himself mostly after we fell asleep together. He looked better though.

I was walking from the kitchen to my room when he called me.

“Maeghan, come here.” I stopped at his room just before mine and walked into his open door. I looked at him waiting for a question. He just sat on the end of his bed looking at me. “Take off your clothes.”

My stomach turned to stone. What What did he say No question, no revelation, just an order, to do that!

“Right here. Get naked for me.”

I was speechless. My body was stiff and very heavy. What was happening

“Do it – or get out of my room.”

He gave me a choice. The absolute hardest choice in the world. I wasn’t in a horny mood at all. If I had been, I still wouldn’t know what to do. I had to think back to what we did before that week. Everything we talked about. Everything I promised I would do for him. I was in the heat of the moment then. I was just an ordinary girl now. Just his fourteen year old sister.

Ean just stared at my face. Was he testing me Was he checking to see if I was telling him the truth earlier Seeing if he could trust me He didn’t have to ask me verbally. This was a matter of trust. Could he trust my word All the confusion I caused him with that night. It was now. Did I really mean what I said or just say it to make him feel better

I meant every single word of it. Even if I wasn’t horny right then, I would be in time. I would be when I left the room and thought about all the possibilities of what could have just happened. He was my brother. I loved him. I wanted to fall asleep every night in his arms. I wanted to lose my virginity to him. I would show him how serious I was. I would damn right show him how much I loved him. How much I liked it when he touched me that night. He could trust me. If he was having mixed thoughts of me, I would make it very clear what thoughts I wanted him to promote.

I moved back my left leg and stepped on the heel of my right shoe. I lifted and pulled my foot out. I repeated the motion to remove my other shoe. I worked slowly. Ean was staring at me. I didn’t know how far he would let me go. I hoped he would tell me to stop soon enough and we could just cuddle. I felt weird and embarrassed standing in front of him slowly taking my clothes off. Although, a tiny thought stood at attention in the back of my mind; a hope that he wouldn’t tell me to stop at all.

I crouched down and lifted each foot one at a time to remove my socks. I was bare foot now. Standing before him in my jeans and a t-shirt. The moment of truth. I had to choose between my pants and shirt. He had seen me in my nightgown plenty of times; that showed off a fair amount of my legs. Pants next.

I unbuckled the belt and pulled it apart. Unbuttoned, unzipped. Ean stared at me. Not my face now, my hands. My shaking hands as they fumbled just in front of my pubic region. I slowly bent forward as I pushed my pants down off my legs and stepped out of them.

His door was open. I didn’t know why but in the empty house, I would’ve felt a little less awkward if his bedroom door wasn’t wide open.

My heart was beating soo incredibly fast. I didn’t know how I would survive this. He was so emotionless. Watching me so calmly as I got naked so slowly in front of him.

I knew he could see what it was doing to me. He sat and watched me being tortured half to death.

I slowly lifted my shirt off my torso. I pulled it over my head and off of my arms. I dropped it. I was in my underwear then. My thin panties and a training bra. Mom said when she returned we would go buy some new bras for me. She said I was just about an A-cup. I felt so ashamed. So young. So embarrassed standing before of my older brother in those two pieces of fabric. His eyes scanned me. He still didn’t move or say anything. He wanted me out of those as well.

I reached behind me to take off my bra. I thought that made me look most childish in front of him. That embarrassed me the most. It fell off my arms to the ground. My little breasts were chilly in the open air. They were sweating.

Might as well end it. In one slow fluid motion, I removed my panties. I stood in the midst of the pile of my clothes. I was completely naked in front of my brother. He stared intently at my small flat body. It’s almost boyish figure.

“Come here.”

I was about to vomit from anxiety. I eagerly walked to him. I wanted him to comfort me. Tell me that I did a great job. Tell me that he loved me and everything was perfect now.

My naked body almost fell into his arms. I was so weak. I couldn’t stand up anymore. He held me. He supported all my weight. He pulled me back onto the bed with him. My naked body flipped over onto my back. I was drug up the mattress; my head rested on one of his pillows. He pulled off of me and sat crossed legged next to me on the mattress, staring down at my naked little body.

“Masturbate for me.”

My chilled tummy inhaled deeply. Why did he not stop Why did he just not end this somehow He was dragging me into something I didn’t want to do but I knew I could never deny him. If I did, everything would be lost. He would never trust me again.

My eyes were watering. My face trembled. He could see it all yet he remained emotionless, staring down at me. He was waiting. What if I just started crying Would he stop then Would he comfort me Would he tell me everything was ok

He said I was stronger than mom thought. I was his little sister. I was like him. I was strong. I had to go on. If I cried, what if he left What if he just shunned me as a little girl What if he thought he hurt me He would leave for sure and never come back.

I reached my hand down and pressed it against my slit. I ran my finger up inside just the crack. I found my clitoris. Only that could give me pleasure in the state my mind was in then. I rubbed the little button for about a minute before I noticed Ean moving. I was trying to only stare at my body and forget he was even there.

I looked over at him uncrossing his legs and sitting up. I kept rubbing myself. My mind couldn’t deny the pleasure of the body. My nipples were becoming erect. Ean stood on his knees beside me. He unbuckled his belt and popped loose his pants button.

I was becoming scared shitless. What was happening What was he going to do I wanted to lose my virginity to him for sure but not right then. Not like that. Tears welled up in my eyes. I couldn’t stop him. I wouldn’t stop him.

He unzipped his pants. I was about to see it. For the first time. Then I would lose my virginity. I was crying. I would have sex for the first time crying. My brother would have sex with his little sister as she cried. He wouldn’t do that. He couldn’t. I had to trust him. He was too smart. He had to have a plan.

In one swoop, his jeans and boxers fell. His massive hard penis bounced before me. I say massive but I had no real idea in comparing it to the normal size. All I knew was it was way bigger than anything I ever attempted or even thought about putting inside me.

Ean reached over and scooted my naked body a little more toward the center of his queen bed. Then he pulled one leg over me. His pants and boxers were pulled down and resting on me just above my knees. I diligently kept rubbing my little mound. My fingers lingering in my brand new pubic hairs. I kept my hand as closed over my vagina as possible. I didn’t want to lose my virginity like that.

Then he dropped over me onto his hands and knees. He reached one hand out and then back before sitting back up on his legs. A small bottle of some kind of lotion or something was in his hand. It tipped and a line of its contents oozed onto his hand.

Ean closed the bottle and tossed it into my pile of clothes. His lotioned hand then squeezed around his penis. He rubbed around the whole length of it a few time twisting and turning his hand before he began just moving back and forth repeatedly.

I didn’t know what to think. I was completely naked on my brother’s bed masturbating at his command while his hovered over me stroking his penis. I hated it and loved it. If only I knew what he was thinking. If I knew more, I could just enjoy everything about the moment. But the anxiety, curiosity, everything I didn’t know was eating away at me.

When I had an orgasm I got really wet. Boys shoot something out I learned. That made babies in girls. Semen. Sperm. I had to say one thing at least, I was getting really excited to see what would happen when he had an orgasm.

His hand moved back and forth over his penis as he stared down at me. At my body. I couldn’t help but blush. He was masturbating to me. To my naked body. My fingers picked up pace on my own masturbation.

Then Ean started rocking and bucking his hips back and forth. He was going to do it. He was really going to have an orgasm. Right there. Right on top of me. I stopped everything and held…

The countdown was on. I could only assume he wanted to have sex with me. He never tried though. The weekend came to pass. I slept with him Friday night. That was a given. I wasn’t about to leave him after that. Saturday night was a bit awkward. Pretty much the whole of Saturday was awkward.

Ean somehow managed to recess back into his own mind. It seemed he only spoke his emotions in extreme highs. If not stimulated to the max, he regressed within himself and seemed to be in thought at all times of the day. I knew he was confused, he said it himself, but him keeping to himself trying to figure everything out was so tense.

I couldn’t read a book, I was living the greatest story I ever set my eyes on. There was nothing to kill the time. I smiled a lot Saturday. I mean I smiled a lot. I was so happy. I tried smiling to Ean but he always returned half-confused smiles and went on. I brought on a few short conversations with him but nothing about the day before. I was getting a little scared about us by nighttime. I nervously asked him if he wanted me to sleep in his room. He said I could if I wanted to. I wanted so badly to hear him say yes but at least he didn’t say no. I wasn’t about to say no to him. I fell asleep in his warm, firm arms.

Sunday at breakfast I had a terrible revelation. He had said that he would trust me in this relationship. Was he waiting for me to make a move Did he want me to take control of him I would never be able to give him orders to undress in front of me. I could never do what he did to me. I’m not saying he did anything wrong, he did everything right, but he was Ean, I was me.

What if he was just planning his next move If I stepped up and asked for him to have sex with me, would he back away Was he ready for sex He had planned it for so long and just like that, pop, his girlfriend was dead and he was all alone. If I took charge and he still wanted control, would he talk me down back into my place Was he waiting for me or planning his next move I wanted to go back to school. I wanted to talk to Montana. She knew stories about Ean. She knew intimate details about his relationship with her sister.

Mom called. She was coming home on Wednesday. The trial was coming to a close soon. Mom said though her boss was talking about an upcoming Supreme Court case with her as he read through her notes. She thought this trial was just a test to see how she would fare; it was the first court case she ever had to cover and did think it was a bit out of the blue. If she did her job well enough, she might get a trip to Washington D.C. She seemed worried about me on the phone until I told her that Ean was doing better than ever. He was still reserved but he talked to me and smiled a lot more. I was helping him a lot. Luckily she was on the phone and couldn’t see the giant grin on my face when I said that.

Sunday night I wore the thinnest, silkiest panties I had. I asked Ean if he wanted me to sleep with him.

“If you want to” he replied. I hated that. He knew I liked him. He knew I wanted everything with him. Hadn’t I proven that earlier Why was he still treating me like I had doubts Why was he giving me every option to back away from everything I never would. Didn’t he know that

I climbed under the covers with him after I turned his light off and hugged him extra tight. I didn’t let go either. I hugged him for as long as I could. I wanted to see what he would do. He did nothing. He just hugged me back until he fell asleep, then I did too.

Monday morning I took a shower before school. Ean was going to drive me. He had woken up before me and left the bed without me knowing.

I turned the shower water off and opened the glass door to get my towel. The bathroom door opened. I immediately gasped. It had to be Ean but I still had never had someone walk in on me in the shower. Sure enough, Ean walked into view. I pulled the towel over my body to cover up.

He pushed the toothpaste tube and a cup from the sink’s countertop, across from the shower, back to the wall and backed into it to sit down. He settled himself down and just stared at me.

I was naked behind my towel. Soaking wet, and I would have to move and touch myself in easily imaginable provocative ways to dry off. I could close the glass shower door and dry off behind the fogged, distorted barrier but I just couldn’t. Ean was staring at me. I was so embarrassed behind my towel. I was just a meek little girl. Why was he doing this to me

He wouldn’t stop looking at me. I knew he would sit there all day. Closing the shower door on him would make me wish death on myself. I knew he would shun me for it. I would just feel more awkward behind the glass. I wouldn’t be able to look him in the eyes when I opened it again.

I slowly dropped the towel. My tiny breasts came into his sight. More and more until the tiniest patch of fuzz was revealed between my legs. I looked at him to see if he showed any emotion to my actions. As expected, he didn’t.

I tried my best to ignore his existence and dry myself off normally. It was the most embarrassing thing. I had to lift my arms to dry under them. They were great poses for my little breasts to humiliate themselves. Drying my back was the worst. I had to run the towel between my butt crack to dry that too.

I got to my first knee when for some strange reason, I started to smile. I was beyond embarrassed splaying myself out like that but I couldn’t help but smile. Ean was watching me. Why would he watch if he didn’t like it He wasn’t talking to me. He wasn’t probing my mind. He didn’t just like me because we got along so well. No. He was watching my body. He wanted to see my body. How could I not smile to that My brother was lusting after my body. Wow! What a way to start off the week.

I was so happy. I felt like a little girl getting a kiss from the hottest movie actor I could have ever dreamed just to see in the distance beyond a crowd of thousands of people. I felt hot. More confident than ever. The most perfect guy in the world wanted my body.

I threw the towel over the shower door and stepped out. I walked to the toilet seat lid where my clothes sat. Ean’s eyes followed. I picked up my tiny little pair of panties. They looked so small before I put them on. Fresh from my dresser after a fluff dry.

I leaned forward and lifted my leg to slip it through the little hole. Ean was watching me. I looked back at him. Not to his face that time. I knew his face showed no emotion. I looked to his pants. That place, I found to show a massive amount of emotion the other day. I found it again. What I never really noticed before was now impossible not to notice. He had the biggest bulge between his legs. I couldn’t stop smiling.

I finished dressing. I didn’t even bother getting a bowl of cereal. I knew I couldn’t eat it. I wasn’t hungry after an event like that. Ean followed me around as if he was lost. I had the biggest smile on my face and I couldn’t wait to get away from him. I couldn’t look at him. My face blushed deep deep red if I looked at him. I could feel the blood in excess there.

Somehow Ean’s emotionless face made it almost funny. He could be thinking anything. We could have just done the dirtiest thing in the world, and if he walked out in front of our grandparents, they wouldn’t have a clue. I felt so safe with him. Like I was allowed to show what I was feeling at the time and he would protect me from what the world might throw at me because of it. I was his little sister.

Finally it was time to leave. My body was shaking in excitement. I couldn’t wait until second period. I had to talk to Montana. I didn’t know what I would say; I couldn’t tell her the truth, but I had to tell her something. I couldn’t hold all this joy in. I was going to explode. I was so jittery on the drive to school.

Ean pulled up and stopped in the road before the high school. I opened the door and got out.

“Bye!” I said to him the happiest, most excited voice. I closed the door and quickly walked away. I thought about how I should have said, ‘I love you,’ to him as well but I thought the shriek in my voice showed him how happy I was.

First period flew by as I paid no attention to the class whatsoever. Second period came and as soon as Montana saw my face, she rushed over and asked me what happened.

“I have the most amazing brother in the world.” I replied and quietly as I could.

“What, did he buy you something really cool”

“No, but I can see why your sister liked him so much.” I was shaking then. I didn’t know if it was from excitement or fear. Had I just said too much Montana just stared at me in disbelief.

“Did you two have, you know”

“No,” I whispered loudly. “Your sister never did either.”

“Did he touch you”

“No, well yes, once only and that was an accident a while ago. But he, I, I just love him.”

The bell rang to start class. Montana stared at my over excited face with the most curious gaze. The teacher apparently noticed the tension between us on what could be a very long conversation.

“Girls, I trust it can wait until after class.” I shot my head over to a serious adult’s face. I tried my best to calm down for the few seconds she stared between us. She looked happy enough at our new attention to her and turned away.

“Lunch time,” Montana whispered to me. “You better be there early.”

Math seemed to drone on. With Montana sitting next to me, it was hard to reflect on Ean. She appeared deep in thought. She appeared to almost guess at least to the degree of what might have happened between me and my brother, if not the actual thing. She looked happy though. Even though I thought she knew that when I said I loved him that I meant a bit more than in a family way, she seemed to have accepted it. If she could accept it and maybe help me, she would be the most amazing friend. I didn’t think I could handle her shunning me for liking Ean.

I really wanted a girl friend. I never had one before and having one now that would accept something like that would be beyond amazing.

The next thing I remembered was walking into the cafeteria. My mind was so far in on itself. Then I was walking from the cashier with my tray. I was broken from my zone to Montana waving me to her table. She was alone against the wall in a corner. She had already eaten her packed lunch.

“You can’t hog him to yourself you know,” she said as I sat down. “He’s in college and you’re just a freshman in high school.”

“What” I played innocently.

“Hmm, let’s see,” she started sarcastically, “what could make a freshman girl glow like she just discovered her first orgasm. And then tell me that she loved a guy so much that she also just called the most amazing person ever.”

“Not so loud,” I whispered. She figured something out.

“My sister did go out with him for over a year you know. Just because they never had sex doesn’t mean she was never satisfied. She didn’t give me details but she told me some stories.”

“Do you think it’s weird,” I asked, “you know, that I like him so much”

“If I had a brother like him, I would have raped him in his sleep by now if he wouldn’t let me do it to him while he was awake.” I felt my face rise dramatically in temperature as she said that.

“Really”

“You’re too coy; I would definitely have had me a piece of him by now.”

My face had to be glowing in embarrassment. “How… How would you go about doing that”

“Shoot, according to what you and my sister say, he’s a virgin. Why would I tell you how to break him in Let me come sleep over this weekend and I’ll prepare him for you.”

I could see in the way she prided her face that she was mostly all talk. I knew she would cower at his feet if she ever actually met him. I was pretty sure she knew it too but I thought she would try anything to at least let him know she existed. I wasn’t letting her near him though. She was my friend. Ean was my lover, or he would be. They didn’t need to know each other; they both had me.

“How far have you gotten with him” she asked carefully. “You said he touched you.”

“Accidentally. When he was sleeping, I was in bed with him. He thought I was your sister and kind of acted it out on me.” Oh sweet victory. The look on Montana’s face made me almost laugh in happy embarrassment. “He just cupped me down there and – and he kept moving. His thing was moving on my leg and then I let go. He woke up to me moaning.”

Montana’s hands were under the table and her arms were tense. Her face made me want to die in laughter. I had never made someone so jealous before. It felt so amazing that for once, I was the main attraction to a story that would make other girls ping in jealousy. I had to keep going. I couldn’t hold back. It felt so good. I felt soo special.

“On Friday, last week, a couple of days ago – don’t even ask me how I got naked, but I was on his bed completely naked. He was on his knees over me. He had his pants and boxers down on my legs. And he cummed all over my body. It was on my breasts, my ribs; some was seeping into my belly button. It was so warm. He hugged me so tight even though I was so dirty from him and he said he would always protect me no matter what I did. And we fell asleep together like that. Naked in his arms with his sperm all over my chest.”

“Stop it, please stop. You’re killing me.” Montana was in shock. “Don’t even tell me why you were so happy this morning. Seriously, I will give you all my allowances for this entire year if you just let me sleep over at your house once when he’s there.”

“Well, my mom is away so it’s just been me and him for the past week. And I get until Wednesday with him alone some more. After that, mom comes home. I don’t think I could do anything soon.” More like never.

“Could you do at least one thing for me than, and I’ll try to give you advise on stuff I learned about your brother from my sister.”

“What”

“Call me tonight and tell me what happened that made you so happy this morning.”

I smiled and blushed deeply. “You can never ever tell anyone about this stuff.”

“I won’t, I promise.”

“Can I trust you more than your sister’s ability to keep secrets about my brother”

Her face went flush. “We had a sister thing, we could trust each other, she never told anyone other than me. But I have a little sister in the seventh grade. I don’t want to lose her trust and I know she can be trusted. It’s a sister thing.” I looked nervously at her. “It’s like you and your brother, you trust each other. So do we.”

“Fine,” I gave in. I really wanted a friend to talk to about this stuff. “You don’t have any special bonds with your parents do you”

“No, I would never ever tell them anything like that. Besides, if I told them, they would never let me over to your house.”

She was persistent.
…

I woke up alone again the next morning. I couldn’t understand how he could leave me without me knowing all the time. Was I that heavy of a sleeper If I was, Ean could do a lot to me in my sleep and I wouldn’t know. I knew he wouldn’t do anything on purpose though.

In the shower as I washed my body off, I declared that after last night, Ean would never approach me for sex; at least not for several weeks while he tried to put his head around things. It was up to me. And I only had one more night that I could sleep with him before mom came home.

The car ride to school was silent. Montana kept to herself in math class. I think she could see that something not so great happened the last night. She also seemed to be trying to understand the math. She had trouble with the math but it wasn’t from her disinterest; it seemed that she was just slow to taking in new concepts. But she sure did love new concepts. Even if she didn’t understand what the teacher was fully saying in the front of the class, the way she looked, I knew she could understand the potential that knowledge had. She would be a true genius if her brain just clicked things together a bit quicker.

I stood in the lunch line alone that day as I had always done previously. I wished Montana didn’t pack her lunch every day. For the first third of the lunch period, we were separated because of that.

Sitting down at the table in the corner against the wall Montana had found us, I immediately heard her question me about how it went the last night.

“I screwed everything up. He’s so confused about how he feels about me and I just told him to stop it. I basically yelled at him. It’s never going to happen now.”

Montana looked saddened. I always felt that she actually did want to be first with him, in her wildest dreams, but my confessions seemed to have made her forget about herself for a moment.

“You have to do it to him,” she said firmly. “It’s like those older guys that can’t propose to their girlfriends because they’re scared. You have to push him and force him. You know him best and if you think that after what’s done is done, he’ll like it, then do it. Just like he did to you. You were scared so much you said when you were on his bed naked below him but he knew that you would like it in the end. You have to do the same to him. That’s why he said he trusted you.”

I didn’t think Ean really knew that I would like it when he masturbated on me. It was like he forced himself into the zone and did what needed to be done and asked for forgiveness afterwards when he came out. He saw only two outcomes from what he did. I would love him or I would hate him. But to him, either outcome would be a blessing. At least then, he would know where things stood.

Montana was right though. Only two outcomes would come from me forcing sex on him. One bad, one good. I didn’t want to think about the bad one, but at least then, I wouldn’t be stuck in limbo.

“One problem though,” I started. And it was a big problem I had hoped my brother would take care of. But if I was taking charge, then I should have the answer.

“What”

“When he, if I can get him to, you know, cum inside me, I could get pregnant.”

“Hmmm, I never really took that seriously when I fantasized about him.”

“Hey, that’s my brother.”

“You can’t stop me from thinking about him. Also, doesn’t it make it better knowing that your man is sought after by other girls” She had a valid point. “Make him wear a condom I guess.”

“What if he doesn’t have any Besides, I don’t want something covering that thing up, I want just that thing inside me and, I, you know, I want to feel the liquid inside me.”

“I love your attitude,” she smiled. I blushed. “You can start taking the pill. Birth control. I take it.”

“Why do you take it”

“To regulate my period. Ask your mom. Say that you’re getting really annoyed about your period and you want to do something about it.”

“But if I’m going to do this thing, it has to be tonight. My mom’s coming home tomorrow and we can’t sleep together anymore. Also, I just have to get this over with, it’s killing me.”

“When was the last time you had your period”

“A week ago,” I rounded down to. Montana cringed a little as I said that.

“Don’t worry about it. It will just be once and then you get the pill. How many pregnant girls do you see in this school Lots of them have sex.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

The bell rang ending lunch. I had eaten about half the food I planned on eating. I was at least getting a little better with eating and talking at the same time. I usually never had anybody to talk to during meals at school.

I guessed right when I left the school building at the end of the school day. I would be walking home that day. I wished Montana could at least walk with me. Twenty lonely minutes in thought. Unfortunately, she had to rush to the middle school to pick up her sister and walk home with her. I guess though it was pretty fortunate too. If she walked home with me, she would walk straight into my house and start flirting with Ean. I refused to think about how Ean would react to that.

I arrived home and immediately began my homework. At least it would kill some time. Montana called pretty soon after asking for help on her math homework. I liked that. It took an hour of explaining for her to finish the worksheet I finished in fifteen minutes. After that, our conversation faded off into meaningless rambling.

By the time I hung up and went out for dinner, a plate of food was already alone on the table. Had Ean called me to dinner and I just not heard him or did he just not call Both were very bad things.

I ate and cleaned up my dishes. I went to Ean’s room to check on him. I opened his door and looked into the dark room. He was already in bed. I walked in leaving the door ajar a bit to let some light in. I didn’t know why he was going to sleep this early but he certainly wasn’t going to keep me from sleeping with him.

I started undressing right there. Off with my shoes, my socks. Down with my pants. Goodbye shirt. Good riddance stupid training bra. I wasn’t a little girl anymore. It was getting too tight. I was in my panties then. I didn’t need my nightgown. Pulling the covers back from the mattress, I crawled into bed with my brother.

It was amazing. The silky sheet rubbing against my bare body felt so good. I scooted closer and closer to Ean. Pressing my body into his, I wrapped my arms over him. Stupid boy, I could tell he was only pretending to be asleep. He jerked ever so lightly as I could only imagine he realized I wasn’t wearing a nightgown.

His body faced away from mine. I was almost spooning him but it was hard with his big frame. If he was going to pretend to be asleep, then I could have some fun. I ran my fingers gently down his shirt to the bottom rim, where I tucked my hand under the fabric and pulled back up. He skin was amazing.

My belly was flat and tender, his was groovy and hard. He was so warm. I rested my palm on his chest, his nipple. He still faked sleep. Under the covers, I pulled up my entire body onto his. The mound between my legs pressed into his hip, my naked nipples slid over his arm. I shifted more and more of my body weight onto his front-side until he fell onto his back. My panties scooted onto his hard penis below his boxers. I pushed up and supported all my weight onto my knees.

I tried lifting the shirt from him but he stopped faking his sleep and pulled his arm up to a reading lamp next to his bed. It flicked on. A lamp had never been there before. He must have actually been starting to unpack his college stuff. A very good sign for me.

“Maeghan,” he said looking up to me.

“What” I asked a little too angrily.

“What happens after this I trust you; I really do, but, what next”

“Just trust me. Just trust that I know something that you don’t. I’ve always done that for you. Do that for me now.” I didn’t know a thing but I did know that I wanted this more than anything. I had never felt more confident in myself that I was doing the right thing. Besides, Ean told me to do this. He told me to do what I had to do. If anything went wrong, he said he would protect me. In a way, all his trust in me was being put onto all my trust in him. Neither of us really knew what we were doing. This had better have been the right thing to do.

“You’re a virgin; it’ll hurt,” he said. I winced in shame and embarrassment.

“Well, I, I, um…”

“Who –“ His face immediately contorted into anger.

“My hairbrush. The one dad gave me.” Ean’s face shifted into a smile as he peered down to my panties.

“Beaten to it by a hairbrush.”

“I was thinking about you though. That was when I realized I like you so much. It was the first time I thought about, well, doing this, with you.” I pushed at his shirt again. This time he lifted both his arms up and let me peal it from his body. The warm light from the reading lamp mixing with the creeping light through his bedroom door made his body look golden and smooth.

I was about to see my brother completely naked for the first time; absolutely no clothes on. I was about to be completely naked too, on top of his completely naked body. The covers over my back flew behind me with my arms. Nothing was going to obstruct my view of this.

I wanted to be naked first. I wanted to be buck naked when I pulled the last piece of clothing from my brother. My panties slid down my legs under my thumbs. I rolled away real quick and nearly kicked them across the room. Ean didn’t try to move though. He just stared at me. He absorbed me. I felt almost childish for being so excited as he watched so calmly but I didn’t care. He was lying on the bed motionless with a gigantic boner. He was my new toy.

In no time, I had his boxers off and was standing on my knees to the side of him. This time I would stare at his naked body. Wow! He looked amazing. I wondered if I looked that good to him when he stared at me naked. I hoped so.

Ok, enough staring. I would do more later. It was sex time. I climbed back over him. I couldn’t wipe the giant grin off my face for anything. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. I had to make sure just one more thing though.

“Are you a virgin too” I asked him.

“Yes. I wanted to wait so it was the most special person in the world that would take me first. Watching you, I, I, I’m sorry we didn’t do this sooner. I love you so much. I love you Maeghan.”

After those last four words, I through caution away and grabbed the giant pipe below me and pressed it into my soft, small crack. I didn’t want this to be a slow entry anymore. I didn’t want to savor every second of him slowly moving into me. He said he loved me. It was literally my dream come true. I wanted him inside me that very second.

I dropped my entire body weight onto his organ and regretted it all the second I did. I had never remembered so much pain in my life. Every organ in my body tensed and screamed from the sudden invasion. My muscles seized at the unexpected intrusion. The more pain I was in, the more my muscles clamped down.

The more my muscles clamped down, the more incredibly painful it was to fit such a massive object into my small body. And through it all, I swear I felt something inside my vagina rip apart. Literally, rip open.

It was the feeling of burning and stinging from something not mine seeping into an open wound. Was I really that small Was I really that tiny What had Ean really meant when he said I was only fourteen Was my fourteen year old body really not built to handle him

I could only imagine the worst. My overly tiny vaginal tube, my pampered and soft tunnel, a giant gash inside it like an abused teddy bear. Cotton leaking out. My insides being held in only by the pressure of my brother’s penis holding them back. I could feel it all.

Ean was holding me tight on his chest; squeezing me. Kissing the top of my head.

He would have to take me to the hospital. My organs would want to fall out of my vagina. I would have to hold them in. My brother ripped me open when we were having sex. Everyone in the emergency room would stare at us. What if he didn’t take it out of me What if he thought he should leave it in for safety He would walk into the hospital with me impaled on his penis. ‘My little sister needs help, her vagina is split open. We were having sex.’

I wanted to die. The pain was so much. Burning, stinging, soreness, cramping. So much pain. I could feel wetness leaking from my hole. I knew it wasn’t my special wetness. It had to be blood. My blood. I broke myself. I would never be able to have sex again. Why didn’t I listen to Ean I was just fourteen.

“Ean,” I cried into his neck. “I’m open, I can feel it, I ripped my vagina open. I need to go to the hospital.”

“It’s ok, everything is ok,” he consoled me. “You went way to fast. You didn’t even have yourself wet first. You were running dry.”

“I can feel the pain and blood. It stings. Like if you poke inside a cut. It’s broken open inside me. I need to get it sowed shut.” Ean chuckled very softly.

“It’s ok. I’m just bigger than your hairbrush, that’s all.”

“I don’t understand,” I cried. I wanted him to tell me what was happening. He was so calm. I was going insane with my explanations on what was happening. He was older than me, lots smarter.

“You’re hymen; it’s a ring of skin inside you. You must have just broke or sliced a little tear in it before. Now, well, now you ripped the whole thing apart. You’re feeling me resting against that open tissue. And you’re probably pretty sore from not being wet. And seriously, you weigh a lot because I didn’t think my penis could fly through something that small that quickly. I’m a bit sore too.”

I tried cracking a smile to that but it was all way to painful.

“Are we still going to have sex” I trembled.

“Not tonight, you won’t like it at all. It will hurt too much. Let’s just fall asleep for now. But we will have sex. I promise you that.”

I smiled faintly to that. My entire body was shaking. Between the pain and fear, I didn’t have room for the embarrassment I had just thrown myself into. I was sore as hell. The stinging pain from my open wound was dying down. But the burning was still there to accompany the soreness.

Blatantly enough after what my body had just went though, I was just worn out. I remembered falling asleep on top of Ean. It was the first time I fell asleep before he did. I just remember the soothing feeling in my pelvis of that giant intrusion slowly retreating. Slowly shrinking inside of me. Ean wasn’t moving at all, but his penis deep in me slowly lurched out. As it deflated, so did my mind. And I fell into the great luxury of painless sleep.

I woke up in my bed; in my bedroom. Something warm and wet was smothering my vagina. I looked down to Ean. He had a wash cloth wiping me between my legs. I noticed some new red stains on it. He looked at me then pulled up the wash cloth and tossed it over to my laundry basket. We were both still naked.

“Why are…