Did I fail the man I am in love?
I refused to run to him, when I had a chance to run to him.
I weep and torn apart.
I failed love.
I longed to dream of wicked dreams of me and him,
Theo asked me over and over to come to him.
Now I am sitting here in tears to the news.
I failed him, but mostly I failed myself.
I hate myself.
I hate the choices I let be made for me and him.
Why did I not go to him, when all I wanted was to touch his body and kiss his perfect lips of sin?
Did I fail him and me?
Did I fail the dream of what might had been or not been between him and me.
Now I weep endless since the news.
My heart is shatter.
My soul is lost.
He is all I think, dream and love.
Yet I feel I failed the love I hold for him deep within me.
I want go to him.
Would he be happy to see, if I went running to him?
I lingering the darkness of my pain to the news, I am about to lose him from my reach forever.
I tumble about my bed.
I can’t think, eat or sleep because my heart and soul cursing me for turning away from because I was letting others tell me what not to do when it comes to him.
Did I fail…?
Oh god forgives me for failing him and me.
Give me the strength and will to run to him no matter what others say.
Theo needs me.
Did I fail him and me?
Now I know I must face him and become the source of strength Theo will need upon his darkened trouble.
Did I fail…?
No….I know now, this is not failure, it has now become my heart and soul true challenge to help defeat his trouble.
Did I fail not him or love?
I know now, this is the way to show him what he truly means to me.
I must become the ground and air around.
I must be the champion in his darkened time.
I will not let go of him.
I will not speak of my love to him at this time, but I will be all he needs, even in the end of this….
He just wants to remain friends.
My love for him is strong enough to just be his friend.
I walk upon this journey no longing feeling I failed him and me.
I see the sun blazing upon me.
I feel his warm embrace upon me asking me to come to him.
I will not fear him.
I will not fear myself or my love for him no more.
Failed love, I thought, but now I see.
Love has not failed me.
I and love goes running to him.
Did I fail love…?
No.
I know my love for my Theo; will not fail me or him.
I know now…just what I need to do for him and me.
©2009 Firestar
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