I hold my tongue.
I stare the blank screen.
I begin to weep to my heart pain over Theo.
How do I say words to embrace Theo’s heart with warmth towards me?
Should I speak what stirs within my essence for you?
Can I see the truth flickering in your haunting sultry eyes as I tell Theo all from the depth of my heart and soul?
Will Theo smile to the news of my love depth for him?
Or he will just bait me with sweet lies to gain my one precious gift from me?
Come the setting sun, I look out about life; all I see is darkness and feel your haunting pain pulling apart.
Now I wish I had told Theo long ago of the love within me for him.
I turn to look back at the blank page.
My hands tremble like my beating heart, my breathing is fast, and my mind is lost within the fog of love for you.
Can I find the sweet words to tell Theo?
Yes, I can.
With the depth of my heart lurks a desire for Theo that no man can steal from him.
My heart and soul would walk thousand of miles to die in your place.
I see and feel his pain.
I even weep his tears that Theo can’t show.
I pace the floors at nights with thoughts of Theo.
My hands touch my lonely lips of sin wishing Theo lips were kissing mine.
I stare into the mirror naked wishing Theo was standing behind me, so I can watch his hands touching my naked flesh as if he owns my entire body as his.
I feel things that I know is wrong and against God, but I now know that Theo is the only man that can awaken my sleeping passion.
Depth of my love is endless as time and space for Theo.
I know I could kiss his dying lips and offer my life for his.
How do I speak what I know deep within me?
I pray one day I can speak these words to Theo, but deep down I know I would be just mindless muse with no words or will to say such things, as his haunting green eyes stare into my blue eyes.
My fingers long to touch his face of angel.
My lips want to be brave and bold to explore him in ways I never dream I could ever do to man like him.
Depth of my heart desire wants only Theo.
How can I turn my back on Theo and just find another man, who will not be him?
I fear the passing time between us.
I long for Theo’s word to express he wish for me to come to him.
How I wait endlessly for Theo to come to see me as the woman, who would do anything to make you life more complete?
My thoughts at times betray me when I try to not to believe in Theo.
I know Theo has faults.
I know all the risk in loving him.
I have come to see and know, one day Theo may never be mine or love me back, but within depth of my heart is desire only for Theo.
I have to hold to possibilities one day Theo will come to me for all the love that can set his heart and soul free like he has done for me.
Theo, I how to find the way or words to tell you, I love you.
I love you with such boundless passion; I know I can love you within the shadows of life.
I know I can always be here for you, even if you never reach out of me.
But my heart and soul knows one day….
One day you will pause to think of me and my words, when you do.
Just turn around Theo.
I will be standing right behind you with my hands reaching out to you.
©2009 Firestar
Published
